He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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