My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize