She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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