He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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