I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
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Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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