Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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