The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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