Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's like iHOP with fire
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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