who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize