Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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