I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize