I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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