her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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