i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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