I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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