Betty ford says i'm here all night
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I did not marry a roomba.
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