the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize