I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize