Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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