i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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