Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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