If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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