Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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