Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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