There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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