Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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