and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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