I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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