he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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