Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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