You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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