but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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