I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize