You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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