dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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