Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I could fuck to npr.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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