Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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