Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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