There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize