and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize