Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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