Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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