Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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