My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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