no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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