smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i think my cat just said my name.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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