Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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