My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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