Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize