Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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